Just a Feeling

I was driving home tonight switching between the iPod and the radio and I heard this song...

I've heard it a couple of times and it always gets me - to the extent that I frequently switch the station when it's on, but I like the song...

Over the past few years, off and on, I've had this feeling that was hard to define and incredibly hard to shake at the same time. As a Christian I felt confused by it because if I was truly a believer, could I be feeling like this? So to have had the radio on a Christian station and run across this song - for me anyway - answered that yes, absolutely you can feel like this. Everyone feels like this sometimes.

Whether it's just life, a specific set of circumstances, or a series of events that all came too quickly together I'm fairly certain we've all felt this way. Tired. Invisible. Lost. Alone.

I can say with almost absolute certainty that most of the people I know - regardless of what they think or believe - have felt this way. And knowing that it's okay (even as a Christian in my case) to admit that I've felt like this somehow provides a release. It's like being heard.

If you're feeling this way now. Or if you've felt this way before. I hope these words bless your life exactly where you are.

The song is "Someone Worth Dying For" by MIKESCHAIR.

-Lisa

SOMEONE WORTH DYING FOR
Artist: MIKESCHAIR.
Album: A Beautiful Life

You might be the wife waiting up at night
You might be the man struggling to provide
Feeling like it’s hopeless

Maybe you’re the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you’re the girl thinking you’ll end up alone
Praying “God, can you hear me?
Oh God, are you listening?”

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I’m not just some wandering soul
That you don’t see and you don’t know
Yeah, I wanna believe,
Jesus, help me believe that
I am someone worth dying for

I know you’ve heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you’re the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep askin’, oh, what everybody’s askin’

Chorus

You’re worth it, you can’t earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven
That you’re sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

You are more than flesh and bone
Can’t you see you’re something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You’re not just some wandering soul
That can’t be seen and can’t be known
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe that
You are someone worth dying for
You’re someone worth dying for
You’re someone worth dying for

10 Years

This evening I was watching TV and I was watching a show that was a look back at the Cosby Show - totally flashing back to my childhood. After it a show called When Pop Culture Saved America - about the work of the entertainment industry in the aftermath of 9/11. And I was struck with a mini-realization that perhaps (sometimes) the future I long for in my head...my "someday" if you will...is really the world "before" as opposed to the "after" world in which we live.

Ten years ago I was in undergrad at UNT and I was sitting in my apartment with my cousin Susan trying to wrap my brain around what had happened. The strangest thing to me that week was how it seemed life was supposed to go on. But it did.

At the time I thought the world was ending and I couldn't imagine a year from that day - much less 10 years from that day.

On this, the 10 year mark, I find that my thoughts are heavy with the weight of how the families who lost loved ones are doing this day. How life has inevitably gone on for them, but how also they must still ache for those they lost. And my prayers are with them.

Love & Peace

-Lisa

Loss

It's been just over a month since my grandmother passed away. She's been on my mind a lot lately - as has the entire concept of losing someone you love. She was very much like my second parent since it was always just the three of us (me, my mom & my grandmother).

Loss of this kind is different from anything I've experienced. It is deeper disrupting my sleep by keeping my spirit in a state of undefinable unrest. Yet it also sneaks up on me when I least expect it. When I'm enjoying a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning or trying on pretty dresses for an event later this week.

In a funny way she is always with me, but also so painfully far away. Sometimes it bothers me that I cannot simply drive to the cemetery and visit her (so to speak).

Everyone tells me it will simply take time and that I have to be patient with myself giving my spirit the time it needs to heal, allowing it to hurt when it does and to feel joy in other moments too. All without any extra thought.

Why am I sharing this on my blog? Well, loss is something everyone experiences sometime in their lives and it can be a strange and often lonely road to walk down. Sometimes it's just good to know you're not alone.

-Lisa