I follow a lot of people on Twitter. Some I know & some I don't - and a lot of them to keep up with what's happening in the industry. Still there are some people who I've just grown to love what they have to say.
Pauley Perrette, who plays Abby on the CBS show NCIS (very good show!), is someone I just started following on Twitter and she shared something really interesting yesterday. One of her tweets said "At church we wrote what we want to be forgiven for or who we need to forgive We all pray over cards. Forgiveness: God's best Gift." I immediately thought that was such a cool concept and it made me think a lot about forgiveness.
I know from my own experiences that forgiveness is not a quick process. Sometimes it takes years to really complete the process. I think so often we think forgiveness is a one step action. But I think it's a process that begins with you first being willing to start to let go of something that happened in spite of the fact that it hurt you. That's tough. It just is. And I think it's okay that it's tough.
But I also think it's vital to not only having a more peaceful world, but to having peace within yourself. I know growing up in church I was taught that we were to forgive the way God forgives us. Well....God is perfect so He (I believe) can complete the forgiveness process instantly. Humans are not so good at that - of course I wasn't taught that part - just that you're supposed to forgive. I thought it was a quick thing.
The other thing church didn't teach me (but thankfully my Mom did) was that forgiveness isn't really for the other person - it's for you. Allowing anger, resentment or bitterness to live within your spirit / heart / body can make you really sick - mentally, spiritually and physically. And it can suppress the light within you keeping you from radiating joy or love.
Forgiveness really frees you to open yourself up to love & peace & joy. It allows you to say you yes someone hurt you, but you are strong enough to move beyond that hurt and love them anyway. I loved the idea that Pauley tweeted about praying over the cards because I think it's really hard to stay bitter or angry toward someone when you pray for them.
Just a thought.
-Lisa
*Check out http://twitter.com/PauleyP to see Pauley Perrette's Twitter.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Brand New Morning
It's a new year. For the first time that I can remember, I'm really excited to be beginning a new year. The end of 2010 was all kinds of bad - dealing with the loss of my grandmother, my Mom being diagnosed with breast cancer & being unemployed.
Thank God as we begin 2011 Mom is cancer free and I've had a nice visit with her. I've finally been able to get in touch with actual people within the industry I want to work in to talk to them and learn more about getting a start in the business. And for better or worse, I have a real sense of possibility about the future.
It's funny how when you feel what I would describe as the loss of hope, your spiritual gas tank (so to speak) can be drained so fast. As Christmas rolled around this year I was just exhausted and really wanted to be lazy. So the week between Christmas and New Years, I was a little lazy. I played the Wii & board games with Mom. We watched movies and slept late. And somehow as we counted down to the final seconds of 2010 I felt an almost overwhelming excitement building up inside of me that stayed through to the next morning.
Somehow on New Years day the world just looked a little brighter. I realized my spiritual tank had been refilled and I felt a renewal of hope. It's a good way to start a new year.
Just a thought.
Thank God as we begin 2011 Mom is cancer free and I've had a nice visit with her. I've finally been able to get in touch with actual people within the industry I want to work in to talk to them and learn more about getting a start in the business. And for better or worse, I have a real sense of possibility about the future.
It's funny how when you feel what I would describe as the loss of hope, your spiritual gas tank (so to speak) can be drained so fast. As Christmas rolled around this year I was just exhausted and really wanted to be lazy. So the week between Christmas and New Years, I was a little lazy. I played the Wii & board games with Mom. We watched movies and slept late. And somehow as we counted down to the final seconds of 2010 I felt an almost overwhelming excitement building up inside of me that stayed through to the next morning.
Somehow on New Years day the world just looked a little brighter. I realized my spiritual tank had been refilled and I felt a renewal of hope. It's a good way to start a new year.
Just a thought.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
"Brave"
This afternoon / evening, I went to a concert at the Orange County Performing Arts Center. I wrote a review of it here, but I wanted to add a personal note about it.
Assuming you haven't looked at the review, I went to see Idina Menzel in concert. Let me first say was awesome!!!! Of course I love her work in Rent, Wicked and her recent appearance on GLEE like everyone else. But I also have 3 solo albums of her. On the newest of those albums, I Stand, is a song called "Brave." The whole album, but this song in particular literally got me through the red eye I took home when my grandmother got sick. It became a particularly appropriate song when I received the letter she left for me after she died (she left letters for many of us specifically to be read when she was gone). In it - several times - she told me to be a brave girl.
So tonight I went fully prepared to have to deal with hearing this live and keeping myself composed. And I do listen to this song regularly - I just frequently cry when I hear it. However, as the concert was drawing near to the end I was beginning to guess that she wasn't going to perform "Brave" and I was kind of glad given that I figured fighting off tears would give me a headache & I've had quite a few of those lately.
What I was not prepared for was what she did with part of a song from Wicked. Now, Wicked is absolutely one of my most favorite musicals ever (although I have tragically never been able to see it live). I listen to the soundtrack almost weekly. If you are not familiar with the musical, there's a song near the end called "For Good" and it's a duet sung by Elphaba (aka the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) at the end of the show...well you can probably guess what's going on at the end of the show... Anyway the chorus of the song says "I don't know if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you I have been changed for good."
So, I love this and have for some time, but during my grandmother's illness it became particularly important to me. I listened to it all the time - often when I needed a good cry due to the emotional stress of the situation. It seemed so appropriate to me in part because I knew the experience I was in the midst of was changing me as a person. That when it was all over I would fly back to Los Angeles and be a different person in some way from the one who'd left what turned out to be two months earlier. But I didn't know what sort of change that would be or how to express it and listening to "For Good" seemed to somehow express exactly what my heart was feeling at the time.
It's been a little over 3 months since my grandmother left this world and of course I am still listening to Wicked, but for a while I skipped that song because I knew I just wasn't ready. In fact I only listened to it for the first time since then this past week & honestly that was by accident (or maybe divine intervention) because it was on before I realized it.
So tonight when she was performing, Idina did a really amazing thing actually - she sang one thing with no microphone and a silent (like hear-a-pin-drop silent) orchestra in this big theater and sounded incredible!!! And what she sang was part of "For Good." And it was so beautiful to hear her voice singing that song against the vast silence. And I was in no way prepared for that. Thankfully I didn't "lose it" but I did cry. Just a little. Because truthfully - for my heart - nothing could have been more perfect than to have those words against the kind of silence you can actually hear.
Just wanted to share. Oh! And as I said in my "review" of the concert, if you have a chance to go see her live - GO!!!!!
Assuming you haven't looked at the review, I went to see Idina Menzel in concert. Let me first say was awesome!!!! Of course I love her work in Rent, Wicked and her recent appearance on GLEE like everyone else. But I also have 3 solo albums of her. On the newest of those albums, I Stand, is a song called "Brave." The whole album, but this song in particular literally got me through the red eye I took home when my grandmother got sick. It became a particularly appropriate song when I received the letter she left for me after she died (she left letters for many of us specifically to be read when she was gone). In it - several times - she told me to be a brave girl.
So tonight I went fully prepared to have to deal with hearing this live and keeping myself composed. And I do listen to this song regularly - I just frequently cry when I hear it. However, as the concert was drawing near to the end I was beginning to guess that she wasn't going to perform "Brave" and I was kind of glad given that I figured fighting off tears would give me a headache & I've had quite a few of those lately.
What I was not prepared for was what she did with part of a song from Wicked. Now, Wicked is absolutely one of my most favorite musicals ever (although I have tragically never been able to see it live). I listen to the soundtrack almost weekly. If you are not familiar with the musical, there's a song near the end called "For Good" and it's a duet sung by Elphaba (aka the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) at the end of the show...well you can probably guess what's going on at the end of the show... Anyway the chorus of the song says "I don't know if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you I have been changed for good."
So, I love this and have for some time, but during my grandmother's illness it became particularly important to me. I listened to it all the time - often when I needed a good cry due to the emotional stress of the situation. It seemed so appropriate to me in part because I knew the experience I was in the midst of was changing me as a person. That when it was all over I would fly back to Los Angeles and be a different person in some way from the one who'd left what turned out to be two months earlier. But I didn't know what sort of change that would be or how to express it and listening to "For Good" seemed to somehow express exactly what my heart was feeling at the time.
It's been a little over 3 months since my grandmother left this world and of course I am still listening to Wicked, but for a while I skipped that song because I knew I just wasn't ready. In fact I only listened to it for the first time since then this past week & honestly that was by accident (or maybe divine intervention) because it was on before I realized it.
So tonight when she was performing, Idina did a really amazing thing actually - she sang one thing with no microphone and a silent (like hear-a-pin-drop silent) orchestra in this big theater and sounded incredible!!! And what she sang was part of "For Good." And it was so beautiful to hear her voice singing that song against the vast silence. And I was in no way prepared for that. Thankfully I didn't "lose it" but I did cry. Just a little. Because truthfully - for my heart - nothing could have been more perfect than to have those words against the kind of silence you can actually hear.
Just wanted to share. Oh! And as I said in my "review" of the concert, if you have a chance to go see her live - GO!!!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Loss
It's been just over a month since my grandmother passed away. She's been on my mind a lot lately - as has the entire concept of losing someone you love. She was very much like my second parent since it was always just the three of us (me, my mom & my grandmother).
Loss of this kind is different from anything I've experienced. It is deeper disrupting my sleep by keeping my spirit in a state of undefinable unrest. Yet it also sneaks up on me when I least expect it. When I'm enjoying a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning or trying on pretty dresses for an event later this week.
In a funny way she is always with me, but also so painfully far away. Sometimes it bothers me that I cannot simply drive to the cemetery and visit her (so to speak).
Everyone tells me it will simply take time and that I have to be patient with myself giving my spirit the time it needs to heal, allowing it to hurt when it does and to feel joy in other moments too. All without any extra thought.
Why am I sharing this on my blog? Well, loss is something everyone experiences sometime in their lives and it can be a strange and often lonely road to walk down. Sometimes it's just good to know you're not alone.
-Lisa
Loss of this kind is different from anything I've experienced. It is deeper disrupting my sleep by keeping my spirit in a state of undefinable unrest. Yet it also sneaks up on me when I least expect it. When I'm enjoying a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning or trying on pretty dresses for an event later this week.
In a funny way she is always with me, but also so painfully far away. Sometimes it bothers me that I cannot simply drive to the cemetery and visit her (so to speak).
Everyone tells me it will simply take time and that I have to be patient with myself giving my spirit the time it needs to heal, allowing it to hurt when it does and to feel joy in other moments too. All without any extra thought.
Why am I sharing this on my blog? Well, loss is something everyone experiences sometime in their lives and it can be a strange and often lonely road to walk down. Sometimes it's just good to know you're not alone.
-Lisa
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Back at Home
I've been back in LA for just over a week now. It's good to be home. I'm back to the job hunt - like many other people in America (not to mention specifically here) - and I find it can be a bit...well...depressing to say the least.
So for anyone who reads this and who is also on the hunt for a job, I thought I'd share a few things I've found helpful:
1) Make an actual planned out schedule just like you'd have if you were working. This is something I just started and I must say it makes a world of difference. For me it helped to actually lay out set times for job hunting, answering emails and looking at freelance stuff online.
2) Remember to hang out with your friends. You know how during a long day at work you begin to mentally plan an outing with your friends? Do that. Make sure you still see / hang out with your friends at different times throughout the week when you can. It'll lift your spirits.
3) Remember the small stuff can make you happy. Go for a hike or to the beach (if you're near one). Take time for a relaxing cup of coffee / tea or to read a good book or watching a movie are all fun, free (mostly) activities that can take you away from the stress of your search.
4) Consider that we're all in a tight spot right now & lots of people are applying for jobs. While that may sound more stressful, it might also explain why it's taking longer for that person to respond to your emailed resume.
5) Designate one week day for something you love. The "week" day part is important because we all know fun is much better when it's on an unexpected day and not a weekend. Personally I designated Friday to be "Creative Day." How do I justify this? Well, I have a BlackBerry that will *ding* and let me know if someone did email me back and if I've just spent a minimum 12 hours job hunting during the preceding days, it's probably safe to take a small breather.
That's my list. Five relatively small things to help keep you sane during your search.
Good Luck!
-Lisa
So for anyone who reads this and who is also on the hunt for a job, I thought I'd share a few things I've found helpful:
1) Make an actual planned out schedule just like you'd have if you were working. This is something I just started and I must say it makes a world of difference. For me it helped to actually lay out set times for job hunting, answering emails and looking at freelance stuff online.
2) Remember to hang out with your friends. You know how during a long day at work you begin to mentally plan an outing with your friends? Do that. Make sure you still see / hang out with your friends at different times throughout the week when you can. It'll lift your spirits.
3) Remember the small stuff can make you happy. Go for a hike or to the beach (if you're near one). Take time for a relaxing cup of coffee / tea or to read a good book or watching a movie are all fun, free (mostly) activities that can take you away from the stress of your search.
4) Consider that we're all in a tight spot right now & lots of people are applying for jobs. While that may sound more stressful, it might also explain why it's taking longer for that person to respond to your emailed resume.
5) Designate one week day for something you love. The "week" day part is important because we all know fun is much better when it's on an unexpected day and not a weekend. Personally I designated Friday to be "Creative Day." How do I justify this? Well, I have a BlackBerry that will *ding* and let me know if someone did email me back and if I've just spent a minimum 12 hours job hunting during the preceding days, it's probably safe to take a small breather.
That's my list. Five relatively small things to help keep you sane during your search.
Good Luck!
-Lisa
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
For Nanny
My grandmother passed away on Sunday, July 25, 2010. We are remembering her life this week & I wanted to post her obit to honor her here. I may post a real bio later on.
-Lisa
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/houstonchronicle/obituary.aspx?n=dardanella-lucille-daugherty-dee&pid=144325809
-Lisa
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/houstonchronicle/obituary.aspx?n=dardanella-lucille-daugherty-dee&pid=144325809
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Strength & Weakness
The past few days I've been filled with a kind of anxiety that I can't really explain to anyone, but it's waking me up in the middle of the night with a jolt.
It's not about the job thing - rather the lack of a job thing - for better or worse, I feel really peaceful about that actually. I think I know this source. You see roughly 1,500 miles from me, my grandmother is having some pretty serious health stuff going on, scary stuff. And we are not sure what's going to happen.
My grandmother and I are very close. Growing up it was just her, me, & my Mom She taught me to ride a bike and later how to drive a car - her car, which to be fair was really more like a small boat than an actual car. She taught me the song "I love you, a bushell and a peck, a bushell and a peck and a hug around the neck..." Sometimes we'd butt heads, but I knew she'd always be there for me when I needed her - even if I just needed a hug.
So, being this far away & knowing how much she's hurting I've been facing a lot of feelings over the past few days that I would rather leaved shoved in the back of a dark corner somewhere. Anxiety. Or so I thought until this morning.
This morning as I was getting my first cup of coffee and checking messages / Facebook / Twitter on my BlackBerry, I saw a tweet one of my friends posted (@azureantoinette - follow her, she's great) she tweeted a Bible verse this morning. 2nd Corithians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (according to the NIV translation I have). The rest of the passage goes on to say "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I really needed to read that this morning. And I had no idea. I think it is weakness and not anxiety that I've been feeling after all. Being in LA with my mom and grandmother in Texas, while she is so sick and being told not to fly home, it's okay; wait to see what the doctor says; wait to see if they admit her to the hospital; wait; wait; wait - I found myself literally walking the floor of my apartment last night waiting for an update, a phone call, a text message - something.
I don't do well with waiting. I'm a planner and something of a fixer - if there's an issue I (generally) believe in analyzing it and taking some course of action. But that isn't always possible. And that can leave a person feeling helpless.
A friend and I went to the movies today; and I ran a couple of errands after that - errands relating to the possibility of flying home at a moments notice. And I realized, as I told my friend, on some "Murphy's Law" level I was doing all of this - all my planning because if I'm prepared, then nothing will happen.
And nothing can happen yet because ... I don't know how to make her banana pudding or chicken and dumplings the way she makes them, which is the only way I like them. And I don't remember all of the stuff she's told me my whole life that I have to remember if anything happens to her. And I know there is at least one story left that I don't know - that only she can tell me. So you see, she just has to be okay.
So at this moment, I am weak. And that I need strength that could only come from God. Because I know I can't fix it. I can't make everything all better. I can't make whatever time I am blessed to have with her last a lifetime. And I know a lifetime would not be long enough.
Have you ever read the poem "Footprints?" It may be "Footprints in the Sand", I'm not sure to tell you the truth. The gist of the story is that a man looked back on his life and saw 2 sets of footprints throughout it - one belonged to him and on to God. And yet several times - time he identified as being of great hardship in his life - there was only one set. He got very upset with God and asked why God would leave him in those moments. God explains, of course, that He did not leave, but was simply carrying the man.
As a child I always wondered what those times were. I imagined them to be of great disaster. But, at the moment I wonder if they weren't times that were like what I'm feeling now. Because I assure you I am having more moments per day where I feel less of the 29 year old that I am and more like the 5 year old little girl that I was the first time I remember my grandmother being sick and us having to take her to the hospital. I remember setting in the hallway outside her room with my cousin who's older than me while our moms were inside the room with her. And being aware enough to know my mom and my aunt were scared. And feeling something then in that moment I didn't know how to identify. Maybe it was weak.
-Lisa
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