Monday, May 7, 2012

Wide Awake

I recently went on a mini vacation with some friends and have found myself analyzing the effects of said trip since then.

Ever suddenly feel like you've been awakened from a dream?

When I left California I was numb. I had to be. There'd simply been too much crap over the previous year and all I could do was shut off some part of my brain and just put one foot in front of the other. I packed my apartment that way, came back to Texas that way, accepted a job that way and have worked & functioned that way ever since.

You can only stay numb or shut off for so long. Then you begin to wake up. Waking up for me has felt frequently like a panic attack. Leading me toward the conclusion that I needed a break.

Perhaps some I've actually been moving toward this place for a month or so now, but vacation seemed to cement it.

I spent my vacation largely surrounded by creative people, frequently discussing movies, tv, art, music, etc. I also spent time with my cousin who is an artist and anytime we are together we seem to go on what might be described as creative binges.

It was as though a part of me went "oh yeah. I remember who I am. I was made for this."

Sometimes, when we've been hurt or when we are tired or when we've simply thrown our hands up and said "God I just don't know how to keep going forward," that's when God uses something we'd never expect to remind us who He made us to be. And to encourage us to get up and put one foot in front of the other. Only wide awake this time.

Just a thought.