Message Received

I visited church with a friend this morning and heard something I so needed to hear, but didn't realize it.  The sermon was on the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking on the water with Jesus (that's an enormous paraphrase by the way - see Matt. Ch. 15 vs 22-33).

Anyway...the pastor was talking about how in life so many times people stay in the boat so to speak, but how some people actually take a chance and step out on faith and get out of the boat - no matter what the result may be.  Then he said that just by stepping out of the boat to begin with, we alter our future.

That caught my attention.  I love the story about Peter walking on the water to Jesus and it came to mean more to me when I first moved out to Los Angeles.  But after moving back to Texas...to make a long story short, I've struggled a lot with feeling like I took a leap of faith only to end up right back where I was to begin with, which is a place I couldn't stand to begin with (to be frank - and why mince words at this point?).

I never stopped to consider that, even if I can't see it right now, my future is not what it would have been had I not gone to California.  I knew I was different, that I'd come into my own if nothing else, but I don't think I'd considered that the future I would like to see is still possible.  And how I needed so much to hear that all was not lost.

It's interesting the way that God can prompt us to go somewhere, visit someone, or even check out a church at the exact moment when we're going to hear the sort of reassurance our soul is longing for the most.

The other thing this morning got me to thinking about is taking risks...

Sometimes we are called upon to look at our life - maybe a specific situation or just in general - and assess what (& occasionally who) we have in our life and if the "what" or "who" fits with who we want to be - or maybe more specifically who you know deep in your soul that you are despite your current situation.

Perhaps sometimes we are not simply called to step out of the boat.  Perhaps we are called to jump ship when it's really a choice of thriving or drowning.

Just a thought.

-Lisa

Something Beautiful

I've experienced a kind of re-birth of hope lately.  And one that I have to believe has come from God because all of the outside signs point to the exact opposite.

My favorite verse is one that I've leaned on a lot over the past couple of years especially - Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."  Perhaps it's learning to lean on that trust that actually has helped with the peace I have.

But there's another verse I love - Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." and this verse has simultaneously given me peace and made me furrow my brow more than once.

The first time I heard this verse, or rather the first time it registered with me what it really said all I could think was really God? cause I can imagine an awful lot.  And I have admittedly had moments particularly over the last couple of years where that question changed to are you really sure? cause I'm not sure what to imagine anymore.

But lately, somehow, things have shifted and I have what I can only describe as a sense of possibility again. And that is beautiful.

Perhaps God brings us down rocky paths knowing we're going to ask those questions and knowing also that if we hang onto Him, we'll arrive at a place where peace comes from the one thing we need most at that time.

Just a thought.

-Lisa

What's It Worth?

I've been thinking a lot recently about the price of happiness - and if it's one of those things where the price is different for everyone.

I was raised to believe that happy is a choice. One might infer from that statement that being happy - no matter what your circumstances may be - is a choice. Or that it's simply a matter of choosing to have a positive attitude and to be thankful for what you have. To be sure, I believe it is all of those things too. But there's something more...

For reasons too numerous to go into in this post, I've been thinking about how happiness being a choice might be more closely tied to other choices in our lives. Big ones.

Almost everyone I know believes they would be happy if they had more money and found "the right" person and I tend to feel that way too. But I'm beginning to wonder if we as humans have a tendency to stay stuck in one place (location, job, relationship, church, school, etc.) because when we made the choice to go into said space it was the best decision we could make at the time with the information we had. Then one day you wake up (literally and figuratively) and hindsight hits you like a ton of bricks.

Suddenly how your choices "should have gone" is so clear to you. You think "oh I should have..." fill in the blank. Gone to this other school. Majored in that other subject. Taken this other job. Kept dating instead of settling down. Changed churches the first time I felt this feeling. Saved more money instead of buying this or that. Left the first time he / she broke my heart. Run like hell in the opposite direction of where I am now.

I think the choice of happiness comes with what you do after your "wake up" moment. Do you take this new found clarity and stuff it into the back of your mind and let it morph from "aha" to a state of pain and misery.

Or do you take a risk? Do you start to ever so carefully consider "what if I did something different now?"

You might feel it's too risky - that you've invested too much time and energy into where you are now. Certainly, sticking some things out and changing your attitude can be helpful. And I'm not talking about the times when you just have a bad day, but something that consistently pokes at you and needles you whether you're focused on it consciously or not.

Sometimes just changing your perspective is enough. Other times you're challenged to step out on faith and tackle the thing that both scares and bothers you the most. It's that moment when you know that while the unknown may scare you, staying where you are is going to do so much worse. So taking the risk might be your shot at choosing to be happy.

If you're truly unhappy in your life, what price would you pay to change it?

Just a thought.
-Lisa

Wide Awake

I recently went on a mini vacation with some friends and have found myself analyzing the effects of said trip since then.

Ever suddenly feel like you've been awakened from a dream?

When I left California I was numb. I had to be. There'd simply been too much crap over the previous year and all I could do was shut off some part of my brain and just put one foot in front of the other. I packed my apartment that way, came back to Texas that way, accepted a job that way and have worked & functioned that way ever since.

You can only stay numb or shut off for so long. Then you begin to wake up. Waking up for me has felt frequently like a panic attack. Leading me toward the conclusion that I needed a break.

Perhaps some I've actually been moving toward this place for a month or so now, but vacation seemed to cement it.

I spent my vacation largely surrounded by creative people, frequently discussing movies, tv, art, music, etc. I also spent time with my cousin who is an artist and anytime we are together we seem to go on what might be described as creative binges.

It was as though a part of me went "oh yeah. I remember who I am. I was made for this."

Sometimes, when we've been hurt or when we are tired or when we've simply thrown our hands up and said "God I just don't know how to keep going forward," that's when God uses something we'd never expect to remind us who He made us to be. And to encourage us to get up and put one foot in front of the other. Only wide awake this time.

Just a thought.

-Lisa

What's Next?

What's on the other side of disillusionment?

I believe I'm finding myself in whatever that may be and discovering a strange mix of inspiration, freedom and frustration. It's an interesting place to be and while I believe some of the frustration is solvable - while hanging on to the inspiration and freedom, there is no quick fix (maybe that's true of everything in life) and sometimes that can be very trying.

Things that make you think about integrity; what's right and wrong in a very black & white manner; and making the right decisions so that you can live with yourself.

Balancing what's in your head with what's in your heart is often tricky. Trying to figure out how to navigate the path you're on and where it's taking you (patiently!) is about five steps beyond tricky.

For me, my faith plays a huge role in dealing with all of these issues. I believe God has a plan and that as we make our own decisions and navigate the road we're on, He's always got something for us to learn. Some lessons are repeated. A lot. But once you get it, you go forward. Perhaps that's why you can spot patterns in your life and behavior. As my Mom says, if you're not changing, you're not growing. So here are my questions of the moment:

How do you figure out where you're going when you've become certain that you're in a place of transition? And what steps do you take to keep yourself focused on the future while living in the present - even if you know the present is only temporary? How do you gain the most out of each leg of the journey called life?

Just a thought.

-Lisa

Just a Feeling

I was driving home tonight switching between the iPod and the radio and I heard this song...

I've heard it a couple of times and it always gets me - to the extent that I frequently switch the station when it's on, but I like the song...

Over the past few years, off and on, I've had this feeling that was hard to define and incredibly hard to shake at the same time. As a Christian I felt confused by it because if I was truly a believer, could I be feeling like this? So to have had the radio on a Christian station and run across this song - for me anyway - answered that yes, absolutely you can feel like this. Everyone feels like this sometimes.

Whether it's just life, a specific set of circumstances, or a series of events that all came too quickly together I'm fairly certain we've all felt this way. Tired. Invisible. Lost. Alone.

I can say with almost absolute certainty that most of the people I know - regardless of what they think or believe - have felt this way. And knowing that it's okay (even as a Christian in my case) to admit that I've felt like this somehow provides a release. It's like being heard.

If you're feeling this way now. Or if you've felt this way before. I hope these words bless your life exactly where you are.

The song is "Someone Worth Dying For" by MIKESCHAIR.

-Lisa

SOMEONE WORTH DYING FOR
Artist: MIKESCHAIR.
Album: A Beautiful Life

You might be the wife waiting up at night
You might be the man struggling to provide
Feeling like it’s hopeless

Maybe you’re the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you’re the girl thinking you’ll end up alone
Praying “God, can you hear me?
Oh God, are you listening?”

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I’m not just some wandering soul
That you don’t see and you don’t know
Yeah, I wanna believe,
Jesus, help me believe that
I am someone worth dying for

I know you’ve heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you’re the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep askin’, oh, what everybody’s askin’

Chorus

You’re worth it, you can’t earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven
That you’re sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

You are more than flesh and bone
Can’t you see you’re something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You’re not just some wandering soul
That can’t be seen and can’t be known
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe that
You are someone worth dying for
You’re someone worth dying for
You’re someone worth dying for

The Waiting Place

Ever find yourself at a complete loss for how to handle a situation? Or maybe have a period of time in your life where - while you may believe there's a purpose or a reason for all things - you simply can't figure out what that might be?

Personally I'm experiencing a time where I'm in what I'd describe as a "waiting place." If you've ever read Dr. Seuss's "Oh The Places You'll Go" you know exactly what I mean.

Without going into detail I've recently hit a place where I feel like I take a step forward and get shoved back almost immediately. So I find myself scratching my head, looking around and wondering what on earth the right next step might be. Or am I just supposed to wait here? And trust?

I do not particularly excel at either trusting or waiting, so I suspect that may be why I find myself in this situation. But then I also wonder how much is just life and how much is more? And what happens when you choose to view the world from the perspective of purpose? Of learning or having lessons in each situation?

Lately I find myself putting many of the more intangible things I've learned up to this point into practice. You really do tell people how they can treat you with what you allow (this is not a new lesson - just one I've finally learned to actively practice). No matter how much you might hope for peaceful, still waters they are few and far between in this life and how you handle that defines many things about you (like your health, your relationships, etc). And my fave Oprah lesson - "when you know better, you do better."

That last one has actually changed the way I approach the first two. It means I have to be willing to stand up for myself and to know how to do that in a respectful way and in a variety of situations. Even when those situations are about as comfortable as a root canal. (Actually I happen to have a great dentist, so I've definitely had dental work that was more pleasant than this place).

Simply learning lessons in life is not enough. You have to put them into practice. So it's not enough for me to say I trust God and I'm happy to follow His leading. I have to actually practice trusting Him and following Him. Even if He's saying "wait."

Just a thought.

-Lisa